Middy here. After a long vacation from you my readers, I thought I’d share my delight and dismay, yes, dismay over a polyp gizmo that’s been affixed to several of my ceilings for the past 6 months. 

It’s called a Nest Protect but looks like nothing I would ever suggest putting in a nest…of any kind. Frankly, I believe that would be quite silly.

For the most part it hasn’t been much of an annoyance. The alarm which sounds like Julie Andrews usually goes off when my occupants burn their toast or kale chips, then in what appears to be an ancient African ritual they run towards the Nest waving their hands to and fro. This must be a type of mating ritual? 

The woman that lives in the Nest seems to run on some sort of wireless internal energy capsule called a battery. Again, “Julie” seems quite nice and very intelligent. Somehow, I feel more smart for knowing her.

Nest does have her issues though. There was this one time early on when she completely snapped and started yelling for no reason. Disaster ensued and before you knew it, fire fighters were at the door ready to break through windows that had just been replaced a couple months before. 

Regardless of the benefits this fertility god has to offer, my recommendation…give some time to the parents of Nest Protect to refine her manners, Julie has a long way to go. 

Middy here. I hesitate a little in saying this but I actually really like what they’ve done here. It brings great pain to the ol frame to concede but it’s true…these things are the bees knees. Made from Aluminum and glass that would be at home on Apollo 11, I am quite delighted about the recent enhancements. The garage doors seem to be driven by a belt drive system that’s whisper quiet when opened…the tracks must be lubricated with butter, they’re that smooth.

Along with most things in the Curry household these things are operational by cellular phone. Middy here. I hesitate a little in saying this but I actually really like what they’ve done here. It brings great pain to the ol frame to concede but it’s true…these things are the bees knees. Made from Aluminum and glass that would be at home on Apollo 11, I am quite delighted about the recent enhancements. The garage doors seem to be driven by a belt drive system that’s whisper quiet when opened…the tracks must be lubricated with butter, they’re that smooth.

Along with most things in the Curry household these things are operational by cellular phone.

Middy here. I hesitate a little in saying this but I actually really like what they’ve done here. It brings great pain to the ol frame to concede but it’s true…these things are the bees knees. Made from Aluminum and glass that would be at home on Apollo 11, I am quite delighted about the recent enhancements. The garage doors seem to be driven by a belt drive system that’s whisper quiet when opened…the tracks must be lubricated with butter, they’re that smooth.

Along with most things in the Curry household these things are operational by cellular phone.

Privy to this birds eye view of house numbers my captors recently purchased for me I discovered that I’m not as unique as I first thought. I’m no Frank Lloyd Wright but simple logic would say there are in fact 19,804 homes exactly like me.


https://www.etsy.com/shop/moderndwell

Is it just me or are the Curry’s out of their mind?
"The Navy called, they want their submarine back." That’s just one of the jokes I heard the neighbors mutter the other day.
If you want to subject your home to this humiliation at some point you can do one of two things…head to Sherwin Williams and match to Naval SW6244 or rob the USS Michigan the next time you see it, I’m sure there’s a few spare buckets of paint on board. Is it just me or are the Curry’s out of their mind?
"The Navy called, they want their submarine back." That’s just one of the jokes I heard the neighbors mutter the other day.
If you want to subject your home to this humiliation at some point you can do one of two things…head to Sherwin Williams and match to Naval SW6244 or rob the USS Michigan the next time you see it, I’m sure there’s a few spare buckets of paint on board.

Is it just me or are the Curry’s out of their mind?

"The Navy called, they want their submarine back." That’s just one of the jokes I heard the neighbors mutter the other day.

If you want to subject your home to this humiliation at some point you can do one of two things…head to Sherwin Williams and match to Naval SW6244 or rob the USS Michigan the next time you see it, I’m sure there’s a few spare buckets of paint on board.

Well, that was one short vacation. 
There is no amount of technology on God’s green earth that can keep him distracted. My plan, I thought was well executed. I left every subliminal cookie crumb imaginable to divert his energy into something other than me. A drone! Sorry, a drone! I thought it would be a long vacation for me, a distraction for him! I think “you people” refer to this as an epic fail? 
The Curry’s have officially declared war on me. They’ve landed on a specialist to literally change my race…didn’t even know that was possible! Personally I prefer my weather loved skin color, but they’re going with something more current I guess. They called it paint, but I only see the first four letters in that word.
Fortunately for me the assault this weekend was focused just outside my walls. Landscaping is a truly odd behavior. You all spend exorbitant amounts of money and time mowing, pruning, raking, clipping and buying these things that are, one…free in nature and two…once purchased seem to be a burden and require constant weekly attention. 
You silly fools.  Well, that was one short vacation. 
There is no amount of technology on God’s green earth that can keep him distracted. My plan, I thought was well executed. I left every subliminal cookie crumb imaginable to divert his energy into something other than me. A drone! Sorry, a drone! I thought it would be a long vacation for me, a distraction for him! I think “you people” refer to this as an epic fail? 
The Curry’s have officially declared war on me. They’ve landed on a specialist to literally change my race…didn’t even know that was possible! Personally I prefer my weather loved skin color, but they’re going with something more current I guess. They called it paint, but I only see the first four letters in that word.
Fortunately for me the assault this weekend was focused just outside my walls. Landscaping is a truly odd behavior. You all spend exorbitant amounts of money and time mowing, pruning, raking, clipping and buying these things that are, one…free in nature and two…once purchased seem to be a burden and require constant weekly attention. 
You silly fools.  Well, that was one short vacation. 
There is no amount of technology on God’s green earth that can keep him distracted. My plan, I thought was well executed. I left every subliminal cookie crumb imaginable to divert his energy into something other than me. A drone! Sorry, a drone! I thought it would be a long vacation for me, a distraction for him! I think “you people” refer to this as an epic fail? 
The Curry’s have officially declared war on me. They’ve landed on a specialist to literally change my race…didn’t even know that was possible! Personally I prefer my weather loved skin color, but they’re going with something more current I guess. They called it paint, but I only see the first four letters in that word.
Fortunately for me the assault this weekend was focused just outside my walls. Landscaping is a truly odd behavior. You all spend exorbitant amounts of money and time mowing, pruning, raking, clipping and buying these things that are, one…free in nature and two…once purchased seem to be a burden and require constant weekly attention. 
You silly fools.  Well, that was one short vacation. 
There is no amount of technology on God’s green earth that can keep him distracted. My plan, I thought was well executed. I left every subliminal cookie crumb imaginable to divert his energy into something other than me. A drone! Sorry, a drone! I thought it would be a long vacation for me, a distraction for him! I think “you people” refer to this as an epic fail? 
The Curry’s have officially declared war on me. They’ve landed on a specialist to literally change my race…didn’t even know that was possible! Personally I prefer my weather loved skin color, but they’re going with something more current I guess. They called it paint, but I only see the first four letters in that word.
Fortunately for me the assault this weekend was focused just outside my walls. Landscaping is a truly odd behavior. You all spend exorbitant amounts of money and time mowing, pruning, raking, clipping and buying these things that are, one…free in nature and two…once purchased seem to be a burden and require constant weekly attention. 
You silly fools. 

Well, that was one short vacation. 

There is no amount of technology on God’s green earth that can keep him distracted. My plan, I thought was well executed. I left every subliminal cookie crumb imaginable to divert his energy into something other than me. A drone! Sorry, a drone! I thought it would be a long vacation for me, a distraction for him! I think “you people” refer to this as an epic fail? 

The Curry’s have officially declared war on me. They’ve landed on a specialist to literally change my race…didn’t even know that was possible! Personally I prefer my weather loved skin color, but they’re going with something more current I guess. They called it paint, but I only see the first four letters in that word.

Fortunately for me the assault this weekend was focused just outside my walls. Landscaping is a truly odd behavior. You all spend exorbitant amounts of money and time mowing, pruning, raking, clipping and buying these things that are, one…free in nature and two…once purchased seem to be a burden and require constant weekly attention. 

You silly fools. 

It’s what’s on the inside that counts? Isn’t that a thing? Humans say that, right…or is it a euphemism humans use to make themselves feel better?
If you hadn’t guessed, this is a continuation of my ransom letter. I’m convinced no one reads these. Just in case you wanted to help, ransom is set at $550,000. The Curry’s jokingly call it their “make me move price”. Who the heck knows where they discovered that torturous phrase from? They have a sick sense of humor. You already knew that though.
Those pictures above depict me in my current and might I say…distinguished state and what the humans plan to do to me over the next 6-8 months. Disgusting if you ask me. I for one don’t believe I need new translucent garage doors, solid core maple interior doors or a new coat of paint.
Does Dr. Phil do house calls and does he own lounge chair big enough for my foundation to sit on? It’s what’s on the inside that counts? Isn’t that a thing? Humans say that, right…or is it a euphemism humans use to make themselves feel better?
If you hadn’t guessed, this is a continuation of my ransom letter. I’m convinced no one reads these. Just in case you wanted to help, ransom is set at $550,000. The Curry’s jokingly call it their “make me move price”. Who the heck knows where they discovered that torturous phrase from? They have a sick sense of humor. You already knew that though.
Those pictures above depict me in my current and might I say…distinguished state and what the humans plan to do to me over the next 6-8 months. Disgusting if you ask me. I for one don’t believe I need new translucent garage doors, solid core maple interior doors or a new coat of paint.
Does Dr. Phil do house calls and does he own lounge chair big enough for my foundation to sit on? It’s what’s on the inside that counts? Isn’t that a thing? Humans say that, right…or is it a euphemism humans use to make themselves feel better?
If you hadn’t guessed, this is a continuation of my ransom letter. I’m convinced no one reads these. Just in case you wanted to help, ransom is set at $550,000. The Curry’s jokingly call it their “make me move price”. Who the heck knows where they discovered that torturous phrase from? They have a sick sense of humor. You already knew that though.
Those pictures above depict me in my current and might I say…distinguished state and what the humans plan to do to me over the next 6-8 months. Disgusting if you ask me. I for one don’t believe I need new translucent garage doors, solid core maple interior doors or a new coat of paint.
Does Dr. Phil do house calls and does he own lounge chair big enough for my foundation to sit on? It’s what’s on the inside that counts? Isn’t that a thing? Humans say that, right…or is it a euphemism humans use to make themselves feel better?
If you hadn’t guessed, this is a continuation of my ransom letter. I’m convinced no one reads these. Just in case you wanted to help, ransom is set at $550,000. The Curry’s jokingly call it their “make me move price”. Who the heck knows where they discovered that torturous phrase from? They have a sick sense of humor. You already knew that though.
Those pictures above depict me in my current and might I say…distinguished state and what the humans plan to do to me over the next 6-8 months. Disgusting if you ask me. I for one don’t believe I need new translucent garage doors, solid core maple interior doors or a new coat of paint.
Does Dr. Phil do house calls and does he own lounge chair big enough for my foundation to sit on?

It’s what’s on the inside that counts? Isn’t that a thing? Humans say that, right…or is it a euphemism humans use to make themselves feel better?

If you hadn’t guessed, this is a continuation of my ransom letter. I’m convinced no one reads these. Just in case you wanted to help, ransom is set at $550,000. The Curry’s jokingly call it their “make me move price”. Who the heck knows where they discovered that torturous phrase from? They have a sick sense of humor. You already knew that though.

Those pictures above depict me in my current and might I say…distinguished state and what the humans plan to do to me over the next 6-8 months. Disgusting if you ask me. I for one don’t believe I need new translucent garage doors, solid core maple interior doors or a new coat of paint.

Does Dr. Phil do house calls and does he own lounge chair big enough for my foundation to sit on?

Really…Really, a nanny cam? I’m 51 years old. I’ve never needed a nanny. There are many reasons this is ridiculous and idiotic, the biggest of which is because I’m a house and houses never need nannies.
Dropcam…what happened to the good old days when we left my doors unlocked and if absolutely needed…placed a key under the welcome mat? I suppose my humans just want to protect themselves from undesired guests, but who would ever want to visit them in the first place? The egos on these two.
I glanced at the box when they were installing it. I’m validated in reporting that it has many useless features. Crystal clear 1080p video, night vision, two-way audio, web monitoring and apps for your iPhone and Android. First question, when were androids invented and two, why would anyone want to monitor a spiders web?
I don’t know about you but security to me sounds like getting a dog named Astro. 

  Really…Really, a nanny cam? I’m 51 years old. I’ve never needed a nanny. There are many reasons this is ridiculous and idiotic, the biggest of which is because I’m a house and houses never need nannies.
Dropcam…what happened to the good old days when we left my doors unlocked and if absolutely needed…placed a key under the welcome mat? I suppose my humans just want to protect themselves from undesired guests, but who would ever want to visit them in the first place? The egos on these two.
I glanced at the box when they were installing it. I’m validated in reporting that it has many useless features. Crystal clear 1080p video, night vision, two-way audio, web monitoring and apps for your iPhone and Android. First question, when were androids invented and two, why would anyone want to monitor a spiders web?
I don’t know about you but security to me sounds like getting a dog named Astro. 

 

Really…Really, a nanny cam? I’m 51 years old. I’ve never needed a nanny. There are many reasons this is ridiculous and idiotic, the biggest of which is because I’m a house and houses never need nannies.

Dropcam…what happened to the good old days when we left my doors unlocked and if absolutely needed…placed a key under the welcome mat? I suppose my humans just want to protect themselves from undesired guests, but who would ever want to visit them in the first place? The egos on these two.

I glanced at the box when they were installing it. I’m validated in reporting that it has many useless features. Crystal clear 1080p video, night vision, two-way audio, web monitoring and apps for your iPhone and Android. First question, when were androids invented and two, why would anyone want to monitor a spiders web?

I don’t know about you but security to me sounds like getting a dog named Astro

 

Middy here, and this is Wikipedia’s definition of Torture. I know this term intimately. Taken down to my studs in late October…for several days I was left for dead. There wasn’t much off limits this time around. My bonus room, bathroom and kitchen were all updated. New wiring, lighting, appliances, etc. I am unrecognizable as my former self. I think this is what the Cat Lady must feel like? 
Someone get me into the protection of an HOA, please! Middy here, and this is Wikipedia’s definition of Torture. I know this term intimately. Taken down to my studs in late October…for several days I was left for dead. There wasn’t much off limits this time around. My bonus room, bathroom and kitchen were all updated. New wiring, lighting, appliances, etc. I am unrecognizable as my former self. I think this is what the Cat Lady must feel like? 
Someone get me into the protection of an HOA, please! Middy here, and this is Wikipedia’s definition of Torture. I know this term intimately. Taken down to my studs in late October…for several days I was left for dead. There wasn’t much off limits this time around. My bonus room, bathroom and kitchen were all updated. New wiring, lighting, appliances, etc. I am unrecognizable as my former self. I think this is what the Cat Lady must feel like? 
Someone get me into the protection of an HOA, please! Middy here, and this is Wikipedia’s definition of Torture. I know this term intimately. Taken down to my studs in late October…for several days I was left for dead. There wasn’t much off limits this time around. My bonus room, bathroom and kitchen were all updated. New wiring, lighting, appliances, etc. I am unrecognizable as my former self. I think this is what the Cat Lady must feel like? 
Someone get me into the protection of an HOA, please! Middy here, and this is Wikipedia’s definition of Torture. I know this term intimately. Taken down to my studs in late October…for several days I was left for dead. There wasn’t much off limits this time around. My bonus room, bathroom and kitchen were all updated. New wiring, lighting, appliances, etc. I am unrecognizable as my former self. I think this is what the Cat Lady must feel like? 
Someone get me into the protection of an HOA, please!

Middy here, and this is Wikipedia’s definition of Torture. I know this term intimately. Taken down to my studs in late October…for several days I was left for dead. There wasn’t much off limits this time around. My bonus room, bathroom and kitchen were all updated. New wiring, lighting, appliances, etc. I am unrecognizable as my former self. I think this is what the Cat Lady must feel like? 

Someone get me into the protection of an HOA, please!

Save me. Please! Save me. I don’t know if I can take any more of this. Are there no sacred places on my frame? In the months since I last wrote you the Curry’s have “upgraded” a few things. They referred to it as the HVAC system, it was really my underpants. They went at it down there, replacing pipes, insulation, yada yada yada…there must be a hotline I can call for what happened. On the upside my cataracts have been addressed and I can now see clearly through new glass, 20/20 vision!
The next thirty days are truly going to test my resolve. They plan to gut my kitchen and replace it with something more “them”…whatever that means. Pray for me.
Hopefully at some point you all wise up and realize these are really ransom letters. Save me. Please! Save me. I don’t know if I can take any more of this. Are there no sacred places on my frame? In the months since I last wrote you the Curry’s have “upgraded” a few things. They referred to it as the HVAC system, it was really my underpants. They went at it down there, replacing pipes, insulation, yada yada yada…there must be a hotline I can call for what happened. On the upside my cataracts have been addressed and I can now see clearly through new glass, 20/20 vision!
The next thirty days are truly going to test my resolve. They plan to gut my kitchen and replace it with something more “them”…whatever that means. Pray for me.
Hopefully at some point you all wise up and realize these are really ransom letters. Save me. Please! Save me. I don’t know if I can take any more of this. Are there no sacred places on my frame? In the months since I last wrote you the Curry’s have “upgraded” a few things. They referred to it as the HVAC system, it was really my underpants. They went at it down there, replacing pipes, insulation, yada yada yada…there must be a hotline I can call for what happened. On the upside my cataracts have been addressed and I can now see clearly through new glass, 20/20 vision!
The next thirty days are truly going to test my resolve. They plan to gut my kitchen and replace it with something more “them”…whatever that means. Pray for me.
Hopefully at some point you all wise up and realize these are really ransom letters. Save me. Please! Save me. I don’t know if I can take any more of this. Are there no sacred places on my frame? In the months since I last wrote you the Curry’s have “upgraded” a few things. They referred to it as the HVAC system, it was really my underpants. They went at it down there, replacing pipes, insulation, yada yada yada…there must be a hotline I can call for what happened. On the upside my cataracts have been addressed and I can now see clearly through new glass, 20/20 vision!
The next thirty days are truly going to test my resolve. They plan to gut my kitchen and replace it with something more “them”…whatever that means. Pray for me.
Hopefully at some point you all wise up and realize these are really ransom letters. Save me. Please! Save me. I don’t know if I can take any more of this. Are there no sacred places on my frame? In the months since I last wrote you the Curry’s have “upgraded” a few things. They referred to it as the HVAC system, it was really my underpants. They went at it down there, replacing pipes, insulation, yada yada yada…there must be a hotline I can call for what happened. On the upside my cataracts have been addressed and I can now see clearly through new glass, 20/20 vision!
The next thirty days are truly going to test my resolve. They plan to gut my kitchen and replace it with something more “them”…whatever that means. Pray for me.
Hopefully at some point you all wise up and realize these are really ransom letters.

Save me. Please! Save me. I don’t know if I can take any more of this. Are there no sacred places on my frame? In the months since I last wrote you the Curry’s have “upgraded” a few things. They referred to it as the HVAC system, it was really my underpants. They went at it down there, replacing pipes, insulation, yada yada yada…there must be a hotline I can call for what happened. On the upside my cataracts have been addressed and I can now see clearly through new glass, 20/20 vision!

The next thirty days are truly going to test my resolve. They plan to gut my kitchen and replace it with something more “them”…whatever that means. Pray for me.

Hopefully at some point you all wise up and realize these are really ransom letters.

This is what nearly 50 years of smoking will do to you folks…take a big, long, dirty look. The previous owners thought they could save some money and spread some caulk over me to stop the hemorrhaging and water damage. It turns out that doesn’t work. I really just ended up looking like something that crawled out of your shower drain.
Long story short I got some work done. I’m not even going to front and act like I didn’t…I essentially got rebuilt, tucked and tailored. 
Don’t I look hot? This is what nearly 50 years of smoking will do to you folks…take a big, long, dirty look. The previous owners thought they could save some money and spread some caulk over me to stop the hemorrhaging and water damage. It turns out that doesn’t work. I really just ended up looking like something that crawled out of your shower drain.
Long story short I got some work done. I’m not even going to front and act like I didn’t…I essentially got rebuilt, tucked and tailored. 
Don’t I look hot? This is what nearly 50 years of smoking will do to you folks…take a big, long, dirty look. The previous owners thought they could save some money and spread some caulk over me to stop the hemorrhaging and water damage. It turns out that doesn’t work. I really just ended up looking like something that crawled out of your shower drain.
Long story short I got some work done. I’m not even going to front and act like I didn’t…I essentially got rebuilt, tucked and tailored. 
Don’t I look hot? This is what nearly 50 years of smoking will do to you folks…take a big, long, dirty look. The previous owners thought they could save some money and spread some caulk over me to stop the hemorrhaging and water damage. It turns out that doesn’t work. I really just ended up looking like something that crawled out of your shower drain.
Long story short I got some work done. I’m not even going to front and act like I didn’t…I essentially got rebuilt, tucked and tailored. 
Don’t I look hot?

This is what nearly 50 years of smoking will do to you folks…take a big, long, dirty look. The previous owners thought they could save some money and spread some caulk over me to stop the hemorrhaging and water damage. It turns out that doesn’t work. I really just ended up looking like something that crawled out of your shower drain.

Long story short I got some work done. I’m not even going to front and act like I didn’t…I essentially got rebuilt, tucked and tailored. 

Don’t I look hot?